Faith like Hannah

This morning my heart is a little heavy. There are so many things going on that I dont have the answers to and I'm having to learn patience. Big time.

Friday morning, I wrote "Jedidiah" on my wrist. For those of you who arent around me often enough to notice, I usually have something written on my left wrist. It changes but the most reoccurring is "In Christ Alone". Sometimes it says a bible verse, sometimes it says "Tirzah" (which means desirable or pleasing to God) but it is always something that is on my heart that I need to be reminded of throughout the day. Jedidiah is the name given by God through Nathan to Solomon (son of David) in 2 Samuel 12:24-25. Jedidiah means "Beloved of God". I get so caught up sometimes worrying about what other people think and if my decisions in life will change the way a person views me. I needed to be reminded that God is the only opinion that matters in the long run. If I align myself with Christ, no one can be against me.

When I was reading in 2 Samuel, I decided to fill my time at work just reading the bible. I went to 1 Samuel and started from the beginning. In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah is completely heartbroken because she is barren. She wants so badly to have children but she cant. Her husband asks her in verse 8 why she stayed so sad and why he inst enough to make her happy. At first I was like "yeah. be happy because your husband loves you!" until I kept reading and realized something. Hannah takes her worries to God with reckless abandonment. Hannah makes a vow to God saying in verse 11 “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head". She is sitting weeping and crying out to God when Eli, the priest, notices her and thinks shes drunk. When Hannah tells him that she isnt drunk, she is just hurting and looking for relief from God, Eli says to her "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." (v17). Then Hannah goes home and BOOM! 9 months later shes has a baby. BUT THATS NOT ALL!!!!!! Hannah prayed and wept over this baby, but when she finally has one, what she does is so foreign to me and so shocking. She takes her baby boy, the one she has waited so long for, and gives the baby back to God. Samuel spends his life living with Eli, the priest from earlier, and learning to be a man of God. 

uhhh WHAT?!?! What an interesting passage. As I sat and really thought about it, I realized what was happening here, at least through my eyes, in a way that spoke to the things in my life. Hannah's heart was hurting and her husband wasn't enough. People and things will never be enough. Only God is enough for our broken hearts. Only God is big enough to take away our pain or to give us the desires of our hearts. Hannah had it right, but I didn't get that at first. Hannah knew that her only source of comfort was God. THEN when God gives her what she wants, she has so much faith that she gives her son back to God, to be raised by someone else, to be seen only once a year. That is so crazy to me!!!! BECAUSE I'M SO SELFISH! I'm sitting here looking at all of the things in my life, relationships, college, possessions, and I am not willing to let go of the hold I have on those things when they don't even belong to me anyway. They were lent to me by God. Why cant I have enough faith to cry out to God for what is hurting my heart?! Instead, I turn to humans or tangible things for comfort. That's dumb. Its not even a little smart. It makes so much more sense to go to God for comfort when He is the only one who can provide what I'm needing so badly.


Faith like Hannah.... that's what I want. Enough trust to believe that God is going to provide for me. Enough humility to literally cry out to God with my worries. Enough reverence to release control of the things He gives me.